Sometimes, during shadow work, we are asked to explore those we dislike, those we judge, and those who stir up irritation, envy, or even contempt within us. It's powerful work — if done with honesty and care.

But it can also be dangerous when approached carelessly — when it becomes an unconscious echo of societal scorn or inherited prejudice.

As therapists or therapists-in-training, we're not immune to these reactions. But we are responsible for how we hold and work with them.

Shadow work isn't about dragging someone else into the dark.

It's about illuminating the hidden places in ourselves — the unmet needs, the unspoken grief, the lingering shame, the aching longing.

When we judge another — especially someone we don't know — we must pause and ask:

• What part of me is being stirred here?
• What am I defending against?
• Am I repeating a collective narrative — or hearing my own?

Hatred often masks fear.

Jealousy usually masks grief.

Contempt frequently hides shame.

When we express these feelings without reflection,

we risk causing harm — especially in spaces meant for healing.

Being a therapist means daring to hold the mirror to ourselves first.

It means asking, not just, "What do I feel?"

but "What do I need to face within?"

This isn't about sainthood.

It's about integrity.

We don't need to love everyone.

But we do need to stay curious — fiercely, gently, courageously —

about what our feelings reveal about us.

Because the moment we stop being curious,

we stop being safe.